Monday, January 17, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
No Soup For You!
How do we deal with difficult people?
Research shows that supportive relationships are good for our mental and physical health. However, dealing with difficult people and maintaining ongoing negative relationships is actually detrimental to our health. It’s a good idea to diminish or eliminate relationships that are filled with conflict. But what do you do if the person in question is a family member, co-worker, or someone you otherwise can’t easily eliminate from your life? The following are tips for dealing with difficult people who are in your life, for better or for worse:
Here's How:
- Keep Conversations Neutral Avoid discussing divisive and personal issues, like religion and politics, or other issues that tend to cause conflict. If the other person tries to engage you in a discussion that will probably become an argument, change the subject or leave the room.
- Accept The Reality of Who They Are In dealing with difficult people, don’t try to change the other person; you will only get into a power struggle, cause defensiveness, invite criticism, or otherwise make things worse. It also makes you a more difficult person to deal with.
- Know What's Under Your Control Change your response to the other person; this is all you have the power to change. For example, don’t feel you need to accept abusive behavior. You can use assertive communication to draw boundaries when the other person chooses to treat you in an unacceptable way.
- Create Healthier Patterns Remember that most relationship difficulties are due to a dynamic between two people rather than one person being unilaterally "bad." Chances are good that you're repeating the same patterns of interaction over and over; changing your response could get you out of this rut, and responding in a healthy way can improve your chances of a healthier pattern forming. Here’s a list of things to avoid in dealing with conflict. Do you do any of them?
- See The Best In People Try to look for the positive aspects of others, especially when dealing with family, and focus on them. The other person will feel more appreciated, and you will likely enjoy your time together more.
- Remember Who You're Dealing With Seeing the best in someone is important; however, don’t pretend the other person’s negative traits don’t exist. Don’t tell your secrets to a gossip, rely on a flake, or look for affection from someone who isn’t able to give it. This is part of accepting them for who they are.
- Get Support Where You Can Find It Get your needs met from others who are able to meet your needs. Tell your secrets to a trustworthy friend who's a good listener, or process your feelings through journaling, for example. Rely on people who have proven themselves to be trustworthy and supportive, or find a good therapist if you need one. This will help you and the other person by taking pressure off the relationship and removing a source of conflict.
- Let Go Or Get Space If You Need It Know when it’s time to distance yourself, and do so. If the other person can’t be around you without antagonizing you, minimizing contact may be key. If they’re continually abusive, it's best to cut ties and let them know why. Explain what needs to happen if there ever is to be a relationship, and let it go. (If the offending party is a boss or co-worker, you may consider switching jobs.)
Tips:
Try not to place blame on yourself or the other person for the negative interactions. It may just be a case of your two personalities fitting poorly. - Remember that you don't have to be close with everyone; just being polite goes a long way toward getting along and appropriately dealing with difficult people.
- Work to maintain a sense of humor -- difficulties will roll off your back much more easily. Shows like "The Office" and books like David Sedaris' Naked can help you see the humor in dealing with difficult people.
- Be sure to cultivate other more positive relationships in your life to offset the negativity of dealing with difficult people.
Guide since 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2011
What Should I Be When I Grow Up?
What Should I Be When I Grow Up?Miserable place to be isn’t it? I don’t think you have the
privilege to write about a subject this intense unless you have
been there. I’m here to tell you: I’ve been there.
It’s humiliating, discouraging, frustrating, demoralizing,
maddening, embarrassing, and on and on. Well, here’s the bottom
line about losing your job: You were supposed to move on. It’s
time to open yourself to new possibilities. They are everywhere.
Unfortunately, none of us can move on until we go through the
following stages:
Stage 1: Complete Shock. “I don’t know what I am going to do.”
Stage 2: Denial. “I can’t believe this is happening to me.”
Why me?
Stage 3: Anger. “The nerve of them to do this to me.”
Stage 4: Depression. “It’s going to take forever to find another
job.” “I don’t have that many marketable skills.”
Stage 5: Acceptance. Ok. Next chapter. It’s time to move on.
Now all of us who have been in this position vacillate from stage
to stage. The lucky ones get to Stage 5 sooner than later and
live happily ever after. However, if you are one of the normal
“laid off” individuals who lost your job, you find it quite
difficult not to be angry. You probably also will say things
like, “I will never forgive him or her for doing this to me.”
My motto through life has always been “It’s not what happens to
each of us that matters, it’s how we handle it.” Some of us stay
down way too long while others skip right through the stages and
never look back.
I know you are reading this and that someone is saying, “But you
don’t know my circumstance!” No, and you don’t know mine. We
could exchange war stories and even get pleasure from doing it,
but I do know this: It doesn’t matter how it happened, where it
happened or even why it happened; it’s so important to deal with
the fact that it did happen and to know that you are supposed to
be somewhere else to learn other valuable lessons.
For those of you who are still out of work while reading this,
I would guess you are either angry right now or depressed.
Understand that finding a job is a numbers game. The following
is an excerpt from one of my books on interviewing, “Hire Me!
Secrets of Job Interviewing.”
Interviewing is a numbers game, so know your numbers
Anyone making a career change needs to know the statistics of
interviewing. (If we were gamblers, we’d call them odds and tell
you that this book stacks them in your favor, but I prefer to
look at it as keeping the chance-taking to a minimum.)
Understanding these “facts of interviewing” may release some of
the pressure that goes along with the game, and who wouldn’t like
less stress in their life?
First of all, what is a game? According to a popular dictionary,
a game is “a competitive activity governed by specific rules or
the total number of points required to win the game.” That
definition makes it clear that interviewing is indeed a game.
The rules are already established before you start, even though
most people don’t know them.
Imagine playing any game and not knowing the rules! How could you
possibly expect to win, or if you did, how would you even know?
If interviewing is a numbers game, then being aware of how many
interviews, resumes, handshakes, buildings and companies you must
encounter before you find the right job is an important rule in
this game. The following numbers, based on a large metropolitan
area, have been studied for several years. They do change
depending on the time of year, economy, etc., so what you
see are averages:
These numbers could discourage you, but my hope is that they will
---Stage 2: Denial. “I can’t believe this is happening to me.”
Why me?
Stage 3: Anger. “The nerve of them to do this to me.”
Stage 4: Depression. “It’s going to take forever to find another
job.” “I don’t have that many marketable skills.”
Stage 5: Acceptance. Ok. Next chapter. It’s time to move on.
Now all of us who have been in this position vacillate from stage
to stage. The lucky ones get to Stage 5 sooner than later and
live happily ever after. However, if you are one of the normal
“laid off” individuals who lost your job, you find it quite
difficult not to be angry. You probably also will say things
like, “I will never forgive him or her for doing this to me.”
My motto through life has always been “It’s not what happens to
each of us that matters, it’s how we handle it.” Some of us stay
down way too long while others skip right through the stages and
never look back.
I know you are reading this and that someone is saying, “But you
don’t know my circumstance!” No, and you don’t know mine. We
could exchange war stories and even get pleasure from doing it,
but I do know this: It doesn’t matter how it happened, where it
happened or even why it happened; it’s so important to deal with
the fact that it did happen and to know that you are supposed to
be somewhere else to learn other valuable lessons.
For those of you who are still out of work while reading this,
I would guess you are either angry right now or depressed.
Understand that finding a job is a numbers game. The following
is an excerpt from one of my books on interviewing, “Hire Me!
Secrets of Job Interviewing.”
Interviewing is a numbers game, so know your numbers
Anyone making a career change needs to know the statistics of
interviewing. (If we were gamblers, we’d call them odds and tell
you that this book stacks them in your favor, but I prefer to
look at it as keeping the chance-taking to a minimum.)
Understanding these “facts of interviewing” may release some of
the pressure that goes along with the game, and who wouldn’t like
less stress in their life?
First of all, what is a game? According to a popular dictionary,
a game is “a competitive activity governed by specific rules or
the total number of points required to win the game.” That
definition makes it clear that interviewing is indeed a game.
The rules are already established before you start, even though
most people don’t know them.
Imagine playing any game and not knowing the rules! How could you
possibly expect to win, or if you did, how would you even know?
If interviewing is a numbers game, then being aware of how many
interviews, resumes, handshakes, buildings and companies you must
encounter before you find the right job is an important rule in
this game. The following numbers, based on a large metropolitan
area, have been studied for several years. They do change
depending on the time of year, economy, etc., so what you
see are averages:
You have to send out 32 resumes to get 1 response
You have to send out 47 resumes to get 1 live interviewYou have to go to 21 interviews before you get an offer
At our company, employers pay us to find the perfect match. We
usually interview 85 people a week to send 20 to our client
companies. Of the 20 candidates sent out, approximately eight
will get a job offer.
help you better understand rejections. Most “no thank you's”
aren’t personal; you just have to do your numbers.
Just remember that the greater the numbers in your networking,
the better your chances of having a “choice” when it’s time to
make your career decision.
Good luck to us all who have been fired, laid off, downsized or
right sized. There is a wonderful new career out there waiting to
embrace you. Be grateful for the push in the right direction.
(Article reprinted by permission from Today’s Arizona Woman:
Celebrating Success, December, 2001, p. 16) Patricia Noel Drain is the co-founder of MAXIMIZING SUCCESS, INC.
The next Life changing Wealth Building Bootcamp will be held in
Phoenix AZ Oct 28-30 2005. For more information go to
http://www.maximizingsuccess.com and tell them Patricia sent you.
Ms. Drain is an international author and speaker living
in Arizona. Visit her at http://www.buildagreatbusiness.com
"Ignorance is Bliss"
"Ignorance is bliss" Definition: Not knowing something is often more comfortable than knowing it. I hate to admit it but there is something to be said about that phrase, after all there's a lot in life that we would rather not know about, worry about or even think about. life is inherently simpler just not knowing
The challenge with that thinking is that a life spent with blinders on Deny's you of one of the greatest gifts and responsibilities you have been given; your ability to think, to grow and to become more than you are.
What would have happened if the world, had decided to ignore the genocide happening in World war II. Mother Teresa chose to ignore the suffering in Calcutta, Jonas Salk chose to ignore the rampant spread of Polio and the quest for a cure. President Lincoln chose to ignore the abhorrent practice of Slavery.
That's the big picture, but let's bring it a little closer to home. What would happen if you ignored the warning signs of your teenager going down a bad road, Your spouse or partner slowly becoming more distant to you, the chronic pain you've been having in your chest...Really what would happen?
Is Ignorance really Bliss? Take a long look at the things you choose to "Not Know About".
Is your life really better by not knowing......Is It?
FAMOUS POETIC ORIGIN: “Where ignorance is bliss, ‘Tis folly to be wise.”
English poet Thomas Gray (1716-1771) From the last two lines of his poem
“On a Distant Prospect of Eton College.”
“On a Distant Prospect of Eton College.”
This is the origin of the now proverbial phrase “ignorance is bliss.” In the poem, it referred to young people who are happily oblivious to the difficulties they will face as adults — and to the ultimate, inescapable fate of death. “Ignorance is bliss” is now more widely used to suggest that people are better off not knowing about something that might make them unhappy or fearful. It is often used satirically, when noting that people often prefer to ignore issues they should be dealing with or concerned about.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
75 YEARS
"SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO.." have you ever said those words? I bet you have. We all plan on getting to "It" someday, the problem is that when someday comes we are already gone. Ok, so why don't we do those things while we still have time? One word "FEAR" we fear failing, risking, ridicule, financial hardship and the list goes on and on.
75 years, that's what you get if your lucky, 75 years! That means 75 winters, 75 springtime's 75 summers and 75 autumn's "If your lucky". Not a lot of time when you think about it, is it?
If that's true then who cares what "they" think; after all it's your movie, you choose the story, the actors, hell..even the music.
I challenge you to become, maybe for the first time, the director, producer and STAR in your play. A little play titled "My Life"
*Written by Angeli 01/12/11
Click on the links below for some great videos.
75 years, that's what you get if your lucky, 75 years! That means 75 winters, 75 springtime's 75 summers and 75 autumn's "If your lucky". Not a lot of time when you think about it, is it?
So if time is a limited resource, wouldn't it be wise to get the most out of it. What really is the worst that can happen? ridicule, loss of respect and oh no the dreaded failure. I hate to burst your balloon but the odds are that 1 year after your gone less than 10 people will think of you... and after 5 years, less than 3, after that you probably won't be thought of at all.
If that's true then who cares what "they" think; after all it's your movie, you choose the story, the actors, hell..even the music.
*Written by Angeli 01/12/11
Click on the links below for some great videos.
Follow the Signs
Did you ever notice that from the time you leave home till you arrive at work how many traffic signs and devices you navigated to get to your destination? I bet you never paid much attention to the seemingly innocuous thing as the traffic control device. Would you have been able to get to work without them? If so would you arrive when you were supposed to? My guess is probably not.
Traffic Signs and Signals are strategically placed to ensure the safety of motorists and the uninterrupted flow of traffic. Which in turn equates to you and I arriving at our destination on time and in one piece. Of course the opposite is true for those that ignore the traffic device and run the red light, exceed the speed limit, fail to stop at the stop sign, etc... Bad things will eventually happen.
*Written by Angeli 01/10/11
Monday, January 10, 2011
BIRTH
It is because we are not the person involved.
- Pudd'nhead Wilson
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